Commanding Officer
by Revvie-S
Summary: What happened behind the scenes? A series following Jack's thoughts about being in command after almost losing Sam in 'Entity' and on through 'Double Jeopardy', 'Exodus', 'Enemies', 'Threshold', Ascension. S and J. formerly titled Command Decision
1. Default Chapter

"Here you go, Carter," Colonel Jack O'Neill offered with a gentle smile, holding out a steaming mug of hot coffee to the groggy woman who was still cocooned in her sleeping bag. 

"Yes sir," Major Samantha Carter slurred through her sleep-soaked consciousness. She sat up and took the cup with uncoordinated hands, almost spilling it.

"S'good," Sam mumbled.

"Well, I'll leave you to get ready, Carter. We're heading back to the Gate in 30."

Sam nodded, making eye contact with the Colonel for the first time since he had entered her tent a few minutes before, bringing her coffee like he usually did when SG1 had to overnight in the field. There it was again, glittering in his dark eyes.

He'd been treating her differently, not in any way she could explain or categorize, but it was unmistakably different, for the last few months. She didn't even know if she liked it or was irritated by it, the change was so subtle.

"Okay, I'll be ready, sir."

"Okay, Major." Another long look in which his warm brown eyes caught hers for a moment, and she saw it.

Yep, definitely different.

He'd been different ever since she'd had her consciousness returned to her body, ever since she'd almost died and thus almost been left to face an eternity as a disembodied awareness inside a computer.

She still had nightmares in which she was back in that void, without physical body or senses, floating in nothingness. But as frightening as those flashbacks were for Sam, she was beginning to suspect that the whole episode with the Entity had affected the Colonel even more. The Colonel had nightmares locked away deep inside him from a past Sam knew of only vaguely, a past full of raging, jabbering demons which he mostly kept at bay.

Mostly.

But lately, she could see their shadows in his eyes. And something else too, only there when he looked at her.

Despair? Fear? Guilt?

No, she couldn't put a name to it yet.

But it was something she hadn't ever seen in his face before, through all the years of dangers and difficulties.

Feeling more human after drinking most of the coffee, Sam emerged from the tent into the clearing where the three men sat silently eating breakfast. Daniel was busily jotting something in his journal while balancing a roll and a data recorder in the other hand. Teal'C stood while he ate, his eyes trained intently on the horizon. His stance said he didn't feel comfortable on this planet, an observation that caused Sam to adopt a more alert pose herself. Jack was methodically packing away their equipment.

"Daniel, can you break down that tent?"

The two men made short work of the familiar process of breaking camp while Sam idly chewed on an apple and reviewed her geological and environmental findings of the past few days. No naquada, no trinium, nothing to attract the Goa'uld, just lots of minerals very common to Earth. No signs of habitation or higher life forms. The poles were encased in ice caps twice the size of Earth's. Although scans had shown very little flowing water on the planet's surface, the water captured by the ice caps implied that water was available.

Although the cold, stormy planet seemed somewhat inhospitable, it was worth further exploration to determine its suitability for an off-world base. Hammond wouldn't be thrilled with their report and the lack of significant minerals, but it was still worth something that the planet could adequately support life and yet would probably not be of interest to the Goa'uld.

"Okay, we're due back in ten. Ready to move out?" It sounded like a question, but Sam knew it was an order in disguise. The four shouldered their packs and began the arduous process of picking their way through a jagged rock field. Their destination was just over the next ridge, but they would be breathing hard by the time they made the Gate.

"O'Neill." Teal'C broke the silence of their slow procession.

"What, T?"

"There is something..." he stopped and looked behind them, agitated. This got Jack's full attention, and he turned and went up to Teal'C.

"What is it?"

"It is something I have sensed before, something familiar that I can't... maybe Re'tu? It is very faint, but I feel a sense that there are Re'tu here. And yet...not Re'tu. Something like them. It is very faint." Teal'C continued to sharply scan the horizons in every direction as he spoke.

Jack waited a few minutes, watching Teal'C scan the surrounding rock field.

"Still there?" Jack finally queried.

"Yes, O'Neill. No stronger, no weaker."

"Let's get back to the Gate," Jack answered. "We have no way of detecting them unless we get some of those...ray gun things...T.E.R.'s... back on base. Let's go."

The Gate was just visible to them now, and they each instinctively picked up the pace. Jack and Teal'C were behind Sam and Daniel, anxiously watching in every direction as they jogged along even though they knew they would see nothing if there really were Re'tu out there.

Daniel had reached the DVD and begun dialing, much to Jack's relief, when bolts of energy began flying out of nowhere towards the team, hitting like small explosions in the dirt all around them. Daniel slammed his hand down forcefully on the red orb in the middle of the DHD and the Stargate whooshed open.

"Go, go!" Jack shouted at the others, taking up a defensive posture and firing blindly back in the direction the shots had come from. None of the four had yet made a move toward the Gate, angering and terrifying O'Neill.

"Carter! Daniel! Get out of here!" The two were further from the wormhole than he and Teal'C.

What happened next was beyond any of their experience with aliens thus far. A group of ten or eleven creatures slowly materialized in front of them, while two materialized right in front of the Gate, so that SG1 was sandwiched between them. The creatures had a faint resemblance to Re'tu, but the differences were pronounced enough that SG1 immediately recognized they were dealing with a completely new race.

One of them stepped out from the larger group, making odd rasping noises, apparently trying to communicate, but he took only two or three steps before Teal'C, the presence of the Re'tu-like aliens still agitating him greatly, shouldered his staff weapon and blew the alien into grisly bits.

"NO!" Daniel screamed, sure that they had just sealed their fate. Enraged, the now visible aliens advanced on the four humans, and wild shooting began on all sides. When the melee came to an eventual lull, all but four of the aliens had vanished or were dead on the ground. The remaining visible creatures had Daniel and Sam in their clutches, creating a stand-off as Teal'C and Jack tried to evaluate the situation. One of the aliens again made an effort to communicate, this time holding a device to his face that made his guttural noises understandable to the humans.

"Leave and do not return."

"Give back my people, and we will do as you ask," Jack responded, his eyes darting back and forth from Daniel to Sam to the creature addressing him. The alien seemed to understand.

"We will keep one of these with us. Go and do not return." Sam and Daniel now looked terrified. Jack and Teal'C, right next to the shimmering event horizon, stood still, unsure what to do next. The alien soon spoke again, giving them a nightmarish choice.

"Choose which of these you will take with you, and go."

"I'll stay," Daniel quickly cried out.

"Unacceptable," Jack growled and took a step towards the captured pair, The aliens immediately pulled their arms back in a painful grip and stepped away from Jack's advance. He stopped, fearing he might provoke them into killing their hostages.

"Let us all go. We will not return to your world, you have my word. We didn't know this world was inhabited."

"We meant no harm," Daniel added. "We were defending ourselves."

"You invaded our world. You have harmed us," the alien responded, looking at the bodies of his comrades on the ground around them. "One of you will pay for their lives."

Okay, Jack didn't like the sound of that. Without hesitation or reply, he signaled Teal'C and they shot at the heads of the remaining aliens. Daniel and Sam were much shorter than the creatures, but were ducking desperately anyway.

It was over in a few seconds, and the four now lay dead and Daniel and Sam lay unmoving, trapped beneath them.

"Quick, Teal'C, dial us out of here again before their friends show up," Jack barked. The unattended Stargate had shut down at some point during the firefight.

Jack rolled the dead bodies of the aliens off his teammates and grabbed Daniel in a fireman's hold. Teal'C picked up Sam and they were through the Gate as fast as they could drag themselves and their added burdens into the wormhole.

On the other side, Jack immediately ordered the iris closed and deposited Daniel gently on the ramp, next to Sam. Both were alive and conscious, Jack noted, facts he hadn't been too sure of when they had grabbed the two and made their retreat.

"You okay?" Jack panted.

"Yeah, just a few pulled muscles," Daniel answered, still sitting.

"Carter?"

"Okay, sir." She was up on her feet, shakily brushing herself off. Hammond entered the Gateroom and came up to the team with concern written on his face.

"What happened?"

"We encountered a race similar to the Re'tu, sir. I suggest we get some T.E.R.'s and sweep this room and the base, just to be sure we don't have any unwanted guests. And that planet should probably go on the 'no way' list. I'd say we blew this diplomatic opportunity." The Colonel looked at Teal'C but made no further comment.

"Done, Colonel." Hammond gave the order and waved the medical team over to the newly returned team. "Get yourselves to the infirmary and get checked out."

Jack was sullenly silent through the whole infirmary routine, so much so that Janet was concerned. As the other three were cleared and left, she motioned Jack to stay behind.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Janet looked worried.

"Fine," Jack answered in his most intimidating, 'I don't want to talk about it,' tone.

"Well, it seems to me this one bothered you more than usual," Janet persisted, her concerned gaze locked on him.

Jack softened a little. "Yeah, I guess it did." He stared at his restless hands as he fiddled with the hem of his shirt. But after a minute, Jack straightened up and looked right at Janet.

"He gave me a choice," Jack began.

"Who?"

"The creature holding Sam and Daniel hostage, he gave me a choice. He wanted me to take one of them with me and leave the other one with them."

Janet was shocked into silence, trying to imagine how awful she would have felt given the same choice.

"But you got them both back safely," Janet pointed out, wondering why this was bothering the Colonel so much.

"We got lucky. The choice I made put the two of them at greater risk than if I'd just brought one of them back without a fight."

"But you couldn't make that choice."

"Of course not. But I almost did. That's what's bothering me." Jack stood with mercurial swiftness, grabbed his jacket and strode out of the infirmary. Janet got a glimpse of his face as he brushed past her, and saw anger, fear, and guilt mixed on his features.

It didn't take a genius to figure out what he had meant, Janet mused to herself. She had wondered for years now when Jack and Sam's unaddressed feelings for each other would become too unmanageable to be ignored any longer. Janet's friendship with both of them was close, and her added persona as a doctor had allowed her to discuss topics with both of them that they would probably never have voiced to anyone else. But neither had ever admitted to her what Jack had just intimated, that he was doubting his objectivity in the field because of his feelings for Sam.

She wondered whether Jack would quickly submerge this incident into the depths of his subconscious, or if a door had been opened that would eventually prove impossible to close.

* * *

Sam was very happy to be home again. As soon as she got in the door, she flopped limply on the couch, not even bothering to remove her boots, and closed her eyes deliciously. Today had almost been her last. A shudder erupted down her spine as she congratulated herself on having escaped another brush with death.

The situation on the planet came abruptly to her mind as she rested, and she imagined herself back there, being held by the arms in the painful vice of the alien, hearing the creature asking Jack to choose between Daniel and her. She of all people knew what agony such a request would have been to the Colonel. She knew how it had tortured him to have shot her a month ago when she had been taken over by the Entity. And she suspected he hadn't yet come to terms with it. Today's events would have only heaped more pain on his already burdened conscience.

A sharp series of knocks at her front door awakened her from a light doze. She was surprised to find she had been asleep. As she rose and stretched, the knocking echoed again and she recognized the Colonel's distinct pattern in the rapping. Not really surprised that he had come to see her after the events of the day, she went to the door and opened it to him.

"Carter," he greeted her. His voice sounded unutterably weary.

"Hello, sir, come on in. Is everything okay?" She knew it wasn't, judging from his distraught features.

"I need to talk to you about what happened today," Jack admitted.

"You do?" Sam was searching her memory banks for a precedent for such a statement coming out of Jack's mouth. "Uh, do you need anything? Want something to drink?"

Jack sat down and leaned his head on his hands. "Beer, if you've got it."

She walked back to the kitchen and pulled two beers out of the refrigerator, proceeding slowly in order to prepare herself for what was probably going to be a difficult and even painful conversation.

"Thanks," Jack said quietly, not sure how to proceed.

Sam decided to kickstart it. "You mean talk about what happened today on the planet? When Daniel and I were held hostage?"

"Yes. I made a choice on that planet that endangered you both, and that was wrong."

"We were already endangered, sir. Your choice gave us a fighting chance to all leave the planet together."

"The most likely outcome of that decision was that you would have both been killed."

"But that's not what's really bothering you, is it, sir? We've been in that situation plenty of times, having to put ourselves at risk to succeed at our mission, having to choose between two courses of action without knowing what the outcome would be."

"You're right, Carter." He nodded, but then fell morosely silent again, sipping at his beer.

"When that thing wanted you to choose who stayed and who left with you, what were you thinking?"

Jack looked up with stricken eyes.

"I wanted to choose you, because I couldn't condemn you to death. Not again. After I shot you a few weeks ago, I made the decision I would never let myself be put in that situation again. But then I thought, it had to be Daniel, because otherwise I was making a military decision based on my personal feelings. But I couldn't do it. I couldn't face losing you. I would have rather watched you both die, hell, all of us die, than leave you behind to die on that planet, alone."

Jack shifted in his seat, so that Sam could only see his face in profile now. "Sam, I'm going to resign. I can't do my job any more, not in the way it needs to be done. I've lost objectivity, I've lost the ability to command."

Sam stared at him, shocked. Jack stood up to leave.

"I thought you should know first."

Sam jumped to her feet, following him to the door and preventing him from leaving by standing between the door and Jack.

"You can't resign! We need you out there! We trust you with our lives, sir, and you've never let us down. Not once!"

"But I did let you down, Sam. I shot you twice with a zat. You should be dead right now."

"But I'm not. You did what any of us would have done to protect the base. Besides, I'm still here!"

"You need a CO capable of making objective command decisions. I can't do it anymore."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm afraid I'm going to make a life or death decision out there based on my own personal feelings, without even realizing it."

"Sir, your decisions are always-"

"You need a CO who isn't personally involved with his second-in-command."

Sam stared at him, both terrified and thrilled by his admission. She watched his face for any clue as to where this was going, but he wouldn't look at her.

"We're not personally involved, sir. It's against regulations." Her voice was soft, hesitant; wistful.

"I am."

Jack did look up then, his face revealing to Sam his self-reproach, guilt and despair. Her heart clenched inside her and she began to tremble. This conversation had to stop, now, while they were still Colonel and Major, while their integrity was still intact.

"No, you're not," she challenged him, knowing he should leave, now, but not wanting to end their interchange. She reached out for him, wanting only to offer comfort, but he took a rapid step away.

"Don't touch me," he begged, and she jerked her hand away as if stung. Tears sprang to her eyes, unleashed by his harsh tone.

"Sam," he started again, more gently this time. "I am resigning. I'm not going to drag your career under, too. Now, let me go. Please."

She stepped out of the way and he opened the door.

"Goodbye, Carter."

Something about the finality with which he said the words filled her with foreboding and fear. She stepped through the door after him, but caught herself almost immediately, mindful of neighbor's prying eyes and passersby.

"Jack, please don't leave like this," she begged.

He turned his head to gaze back at her, and there Sam saw indecision warring with self-incrimination. Without a word, he turned and got in his truck and left, never looking back.

Sam, confused and heartsick, turned and went back inside.

* * *

Hammond called Sam, Teal'C and Daniel into his office around noon the next day and shut the door to insure privacy.

"Well, Colonel O'Neill informs me that he has already told all of you about his resignation. He turned it in this morning, first thing, and I want you people to know I refused to accept it until he'd had more time to think about it. So I'm giving SG1 two weeks of leave. One question though. Did something happen on that planet I need to know about, something that could have that precipitated all this?" Sam thought she saw him glance in her direction with a sharpness she wasn't accustomed to seeing in the General, but it was gone in a second.

"He just said this one was too close this time, and that he didn't want to risk anyone else's life," Daniel reported.

"O'Neill said he had endangered the team by making a bad command decision. He feels this makes him unfit for further command. I do not think his order was wrong, however." Teal'C looked troubled and deeply sad.

"He told me the same," Sam added tersely. "Where is he, General?"

"He didn't say, Major, but I wouldn't be surprised if he goes to his cabin to get away."

"Yes, sir."

"Dismissed, SG1. Enjoy your time off."

"Sam," Hammond stopped her before she left the room. "Is there anything further you can tell me?"

"Yes, sir."

She turned and went back to sit at the table, and Hammond joined her. "Colonel O'Neill is still angry and upset over the situation with the Entity a few weeks ago. He said he never wants to be put in a position again where he has to make a choice like the one he made to kill me."

"Life and death decisions are part of what he's done for years. Why is it different now?" Hammond sounded almost like he was asking himself rather than Sam, but she answered him anyway, as honestly as she could.

"He told me his personal feelings make it impossible for him to be objective."

"Feelings of being very attached to a team he's been working with for eight years? Of course he has personal feelings, as do all of you for him!"

"No sir, it's not just our bond as a team. We are very close, sir, and any one of us would balk at making a command decision that put another of us in harm's way. No, the Colonel meant he has feelings for...for me."

Hammond was silent as he regarded Sam's earnest expression. He realized how much she was risking to tell him all this, but was proud of her commitment to honesty. As well as he knew all of the team members, he knew Sam the best, having known her since childhood, and he trusted that she was giving him the whole story to the best of her knowledge.

"For you, Major? What has he told you about his feelings?"

"Just that he has feelings for me that he believes are interfering with the proper execution of his job, sir."

"Do you believe that?"

"No, sir." Her answer seemed vague.

Hammond probed further. "I see. And you and Jack have never acted on these-"

"No, sir," Sam interrupted fervently.

"Thank you, Major. I will take your comments under consideration with the utmost confidentiality. Dismissed, Sam. Enjoy your downtime."

Sam found herself growing more and more agitated as she left the mountain. She could understand why Jack was unsettled by their recent near-misses, particularly by the incident in which he'd shot and thought he'd killed her a few weeks ago, but she couldn't believe he would actually resign. This wasn't the Colonel O'Neill she thought she knew. That man was a soldier, an air force officer, not a quitter. The more she mulled it over in her mind, the angrier she got, and that anger gave her the push she needed to turn her car in the direction of Jack's house.

Sam screeched up to the curb in front of Jack's house and jumped out, slamming the door. Her determined approach to his door was cut short, however, by the sight of him in the driveway, half hidden behind the open back door of his truck, loading a duffle bag. He stood up straight and faced her rather uncomfortably, having heard the slam of the car door.

"Carter?" It was more of a challenge than a greeting.

"Sir." Sam slowed her pace and stopped on the other side of the open door. "Are you going away?"

"Astute," he observed coolly.

"Well, you're not going anywhere until you explain all this, because what you're doing doesn't make any sense."

"I told you why yesterday, Major Carter, and that's all the explanation I owe you."

He shut the car door and turned to head back to the house, but Sam grabbed him by the arm and stopped him, her fingers hard and angry.

"Maybe that's all the explanation you owe Major Carter, but you owe me a whole lot more," Sam said in a shaky voice.

She couldn't believe that had come out of her mouth. Her stomach felt like she was in free fall. She let go of his arm and stepped back, waiting apprehensively for his response, not at all sure what his reaction would be to her unusual frontal attack.

He stared back at her, frozen for a minute, then sighed and closed his eyes momentarily. "Come on in, Carter, I was going to make myself a sandwich before I left anyway. Are you hungry?"

She followed him through the foyer into his kitchen, spotless and bare in preparation for his absence.

"A little," she allowed as she slid onto a stool at the counter. She watched him as he assembled two ham sandwiches, still waiting for him to answer her.

"Hammond told you I resigned?"

"Hammond told us that he hasn't yet accepted your resignation, and won't for two weeks while you're thinking it through again."

"There's nothing more to think through. I've been thinking about it for months now. This last mission just made me realize I needed to go ahead with it."

"I don't understand. What was different about the situation on the planet two days ago from countless situations where you've had to put one or more of your team at risk in order to achieve an objective? That's the military. So why now?"

Jack hesitated, then looked over at her with an expression so vulnerable, so defenseless, that Sam knew that he had allowed himself to cross the line between 'Colonel' and 'Jack'.

"What?" She encouraged him quietly.

"I've been having nightmares. Actually, just one nightmare, but over and over. It started the night I zatted you in the SGC and thought I'd killed you. And lately it's there in my mind at the wierdest times during the day. I saw it again when those aliens were holding you and Daniel. I would have done anything, right then, to make sure it didn't come true right in front of me. I don't even remember telling Teal'C to fire at those aliens, I just... reacted. I was in that nightmare more than I was on the planet."

"Tell me."

"Uhh." Jack sighed nervously and wiped his hands on his jeans. "Okay. You and I are in a strong current in a river or something. I think maybe we're being sucked towards a waterfall or a whirlpool, I don't know which. It's just us; we're alone. I've got my hands locked around you, and I'm pretty sure that we are going to die. I see a branch over my head and I reach up and grab it with one arm, holding onto you with the other. I can't pull you to safety, and I can't move us both towards the bank with only one hand. And we hang there, while my hand is slowly slipping, and I realize I'm about to lose my grip on the branch. Without meaning to, without conscious thought, I release my hold on you and pull myself up onto the branch to safety, while you're swept away. I can hear you screaming, and it hits me what I've done. That's usually when I wake up, with your screams echoing in my head."

Jack paused for a minute, then continued. "It's not the feeling of guilt over letting you die that is the hardest. It's the feeling that my heart is being ripped out. I don't think I can ever again bring myself to put you at risk off-world, and I'm afraid that a decision based on that will end up hurting Daniel or Teal'C, or someone else. I'm afraid I'll get one of them killed because I was trying to protect you more than I was trying to look out for the well-being of the team."

Sam looked like her mind was working overtime as she considered his explanation. Her sandwich lay untouched on her plate.

"Usually a recurring dream indicates an unresolved issue that you aren't dealing with in your conscious mind, so it comes out in your subconscious."

"Undergrad psych course?" Jack grinned.

"The very one. You have to admit, it's a plausible theory."

Jack nodded. "I know what the issue is, but I admit I don't know how to deal with it." He got up, washed his plate and stuck it in the dish drainer.

"So, you're just going to avoid it, just not deal with it? If I did that, or Daniel or Teal'C, you'd call us on it."

"I should get going." Jack stuck his hands in his pockets and waited for her to reply, kicking distractedly at the corner of the table leg.

"We've got two weeks of leave. You could stay a few more days. Maybe we could figure out how to deal with the...issue...together?" Sam watched him hopefully. He stood there with a trapped expression for almost a minute before turning and walking out the door to his car.

Sam's heart fell inside her chest like a stone when she heard the car door open, but the engine didn't start up like she had dreaded. The next thing she knew, the car door had slammed closed and Jack was entering the house again, shouldering his duffel. He dropped it in the hallway with a thud.

Sam didn't give him time to reconsider. She closed the distance between them and threw her arms around him with a small cry of joy.

"Carter, you're proving my point here," O'Neill growled, although he was hugging her back in spite of his warning.  
"This doesn't mean I've changed my mind either, about resigning." He did finally manage to step back and distance himself from her.

"I know," Sam agreed. "Can we talk some more now?" Her smile melted any resistance he still held and he allowed her to lead him to the couch, where, to Sam's relief, they sat down to talk some more.

It was after midnight before they finally ran out of steam, too exhausted to make sense of what the other was saying, much less answer coherently. But they'd said a lot that needed to be aired out between them.

Jack had been genuinely surprised to discover that Sam felt the same about him as he felt for her. He was amazed that someone so brilliant, beautiful and so much younger was in love with him, but that's what she'd told him.

In turn, Sam's eyes teared up with joy and unbelief when he gave her his definition of what it meant to be 'personally involved.' And she'd blushed self-consciously when he'd let her know very honestly how much more personally involved he wanted to be. He described how he'd thought him leaving was the only way to protect her career, and how proud of her he was.

Jack listened in amazement while Sam gave a recitation of all the things that made him a great commanding officer, starting from the day they'd met right up to their most recent mission, which she told him she thought he'd handled magnificently, in spite of his personal misgivings. How irreplaceable he was to the Stargate program and the fight against their enemies in the Galaxy. She pointed out all the times he'd saved Earth from imminent doom and all the times his leadership had made the difference between life and death for their team.

She'd switched gears at some point and begun to talk about them on a more personal level, their friendship, their bond, and finally, her realization that she was in love with him. How just being in his presence constantly reminded her of those feelings she tried to keep stuffed inside. Of all the instances on missions when she secretly watched him as he slept. How hard she'd worked to maintain her own professional objectivity where he was concerned for years now.

"Really? You've watched me sleep?" Jack was absurdly pleased with that new tidbit of information.

"Once or twice," Sam hedged, hesitant to feed his ego too much, but with a smile that gave her away.

"I'm glad we're finally talking about all this stuff," she continued. " But I guess it isn't exactly convincing you to reconsider your resignation."

"It just confirms my decision," Jack stated rather glumly.

The ringing of the phone in the stillness of the dark house startled them both. Jack went to the kitchen to answer the call.

"Hello?" Jack listened for a long while. The expression on his face grew more alarmed as the seconds ticked by. He looked over at Sam a few times, his expression letting her know that something was very wrong, and she moved towards him as he listened, her arms crossed anxiously across her chest.

"Yes, sir. I understand, I'm on my way. Yes, sir. Got it." Jack hung up.

"Leave is cancelled. SG1's being recalled to base immediately. There's been an incident. I'll tell you what going on in the car."

"Let's go," Sam agreed grimly.

Thor was waiting regally in the SGC briefing room when Jack, Sam, Daniel, and Teal'C converged on his location and rushed in to see Hammond and Davis sitting with Thor.

Jack had told Sam what he had learned while they had sped to the mountain. Thor had shown up unannounced about an hour ago with the news that the Goa'uld were attacking an Asgard protected planet where the Asgard defensive weapon had somehow failed in its function to stop them. The Stargate was under enemy control, so Thor would fly them to the planet and remain in cloaked orbit while they carried out his instructions for repair, dressed to blend in with the natives in the event they encountered any.

Thor wanted the T'auri, namely Jack O'Neill, to go to the planet and attempt to repair the defensive device. Thor didn't immediately explain why it had to be SG1, but it seemed to be understood that that was the case.

"Why SG1, Thor?" O'Neill finally asked.

"The device that defends this planet is not Asgard. We discovered it on the planet when we first explored this world long ago and put it to use. It is of Ancient design. You, O'Neill, once possessed the knowledge of the Ancients."

"But you, Thor, removed all that stuff from my head," Jack countered.

"Even so, you are changed, O'Neill. We also know you possess a gene, found only in the T'auri and that only rarely, that is directly of Ancient origin."

"I really don't want to know how you know that," O'Neill commented distastefully.

Ignoring him, Thor continued. "You amd your team have the knowledge, experiences and physical compatibility with the technology needed to repair the device. This makes SG1 uniquely suited for this task."

Jack sighed at that, resigning himself to the need for his participation in this one, final mission.

"When do we leave?"

"Now," they heard Thor's authoritative voice declare as they were simultaneously engulfed in an explosion of light.


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: This started out as a two parter, but after re-viewing 'Entity', 'Double Jeopardy', and the 'Exodus' series (end of Season 4, beginning of Season 5), I re-discovered several scenes where O'Neill is faced with the death or apparent death of one of his team.(If you haven't seen these episodes, this storymay be harder to follow.) There is also a reference in this chapter to events in the Season 2 episode 'Touchstone', as well as some events I made up as being from that episode._

_The A/Ns at the end of this chapter include a quick timeline of how these episodes are related and where these 'invented' episodes fit in._

* * *

CHAPTER 2 

_Jack sighed at that, resigning himself to the need for his participation in this one, final mission._

_"When do we leave?"_

_"Now," they heard Thor's authoritative voice declare as they were simultaneously engulfed in an explosion of light._

SG1 found themselves, not unexpectedly, in the hold of an Asgard ship, which was soon hurtling through hyperspace to their destination. Surrounding them were supplies from the SGC that had already been stored aboard ship in anticipation of their arrival.

"Looks like Thor was pretty confident we'd say yes," Daniel noted drily.

""I'm just glad we don't have to eat Asgard food," was Carter's comment. She was already looking through the boxes of MREs that were aboard.

"Here's my laptop, and my portable lab," Carter added ecstatically. She sat down to take inventory of how much of her treasured equipment had been transported to the hold. Teal'C sat down next to her watching curiously, already snacking on a box of graham crackers he'd found.

Jack settled down too, reclining against one of the softer packs along the wall opposite his teammates, not speaking and looking uncharacteristically grave. Before long his eyes closed. It wasn't long before the others, having been called to the SGC in the wee hours of the morning, followed suit. Soon the only sound in the hold was the steady breathing of the three T'auri and a meditating Jaffa.

They all woke at the same time, jolted to consciousness by Thor's voice.

"We are at the planet in question," he announced gravely. "Follow me." Thor took them to the forcefield-protected window, from where they could see a planet, blue and green and very much like Earth, with a Goa'uld mothership in orbit around it.

"We are invisible to the enemy. We will proceed to the other side of the planet to transport you down to the surface, where we are out of sight of the Goa'uld. There is a slight chance they will be able to detect the transport beam, so all precautions will be taken. We will beam you close to the location of the device."

"We're going to need more details than that," Jack objected.

"Of course, O'Neill. I will go over our intelligence and maps now, if you will follow me."

With a frustrated shrug, O'Neill followed, gesturing to the others to accompany them.

This was going to be a piece of cake, O'Neill tried unsuccessfully to convince himself again. The four of them stood in a stand of trees, backpacks on their shoulders, ready to set off towards the site where Thor's maps indicated the device was hidden. The terrain around them was densely forested and quite peaceful for the time being. O'Neill felt anxious in spite of the serene surroundings, and silently signaled them to move out.

It didn't take them long to locate the device, since Thor had been able to beam them down almost right on top of it. Carter ran up to the strange little monolith and bent down to study its structure. She was really close, too close for Jack's peace of mind.

"Don't touch it!" He admonished from force of habit. Carter jumped back, then gave him an irritated glance before continuing her careful survey.

"Looks like an access panel under there, sir," she pointed. "And I'm going to have to touch it in order to find out how to fix it."

Jack came up to her side and peered under the edge of the monolith to see the panel she was talking about. After examining it visually, he sat back on his heels.

"Go ahead, just be careful."

Carter suppressed an urge to roll her eyes and began working at the panel, looking for a hidden latch. As the minutes ticked by, her grin faded and was eventually replaced by a thundercloud of a frown.

"You can't open it? Come on Carter!" Jack was edgy, keeping an eye on her and her efforts while monitoring the wooded terrain beyond the clearing.

"Okay, you try, sir," she challenged him and moved aside. He leaned down next to her and reached for the edge of the access plate. No sooner than Jack had laid his hand on the it, the stone plate came loose under his hand and fell to the ground with a thud. Jack jumped back involuntarily. Sam was stunned, but forgot her amazement at Jack's accomplishment as soon as she looked at the intricate workings now revealed inside the monolith.

"Wow," she said, her scientist's heart beating in double time.

"It looks a little like that technology we saw on Madrona."

"Refresh my memory." Jack looked lost.

"Well, remember after we returned the Touchstone? The Madronans were so grateful that they threw us that big party, and Daniel and I were taken on a tour of the city. They had a monolith in the center of the city, similar to this, and the Madronans showed us the inside. That's how I knew where to look for the access panel. The difference was, theirs was all lit up inside, but this one looks...dead. I didn't know its function until now. I'm guessing that's why they had never heard of the Goa'uld."

"I don't remember a party."

"No sir, I guess you wouldn't," Sam said with a mischievous glance at Teal'C and Daniel.

"What?" Jack looked outraged now, and very uncomfortable.

"Let's just say, you really enjoyed the Madronan hooch."

"That's enough, Carter," Jack declared, understanding dawning sheepishly across his face. "Just... get back to work."

"Yes, sir," Sam smirked. She lowered herself onto the ground so she could see inside the workings of the device.

"It looks like this is going to be relatively easy, sir. There's a...uh...doohickey...in here that has worked loose from its receptacle and fallen onto the floor of the chamber..." she stopped her explanation in mid-sentence while she tried to reach it with slender fingers.

Jack smiled at her affectionately and moved closer to see what she was doing. He loved watching her concentrate like this, with her brows delicately puckered and her mouth open just slightly. He tried to remember the last time Carter had had to resort to the word 'doohickey' to describe something technical.

"Almost got it..." she was working so hard to reach the object that her whole body was visibly tensed up now, "...there." She sat up triumphantly, then frowned again.

"That should have worked! It should have lit up like the Madronan device when I replaced it into its receptacle. What's wrong with it?"

She began to reach back into the casing, but instead froze suddenly and darted an alarmed glance at Teal'C. Jack noticed her reaction and likewise turned towards Teal'C, defensively raising his

90 to eye level.

Teal'C was on guard, his staff weapon pointed towards the western edge of the clearing. Jack didn't need any explanation, for he could read Teal'C's posture and it unequivocally said 'danger.' Within seconds, the four had taken cover as best they could along the eastern side of the clearing, weapons ready.

"Carter," Jack whispered in her ear. "Signal Thor to beam us up."

"Sir," she said, shaking her head negatively, pointing at the monolith with its casing cover lying on the ground in full view. The inner components of the mysterious device were still exposed. Jack got her meaning immediately. They would have to stay and insure the monolith was not sabotaged by the enemy. He silently signaled to Daniel and Teal'C to prepare to do battle.

A small squad of Jaffa burst into the clearing, and as Sam had feared, were drawn immediately to the stone device, looking with excitement and alarm into the newly revealed chamber. Jack didn't wait any longer to signal the surprise attack. They charged in, zatting the Jaffa almost instantly, and Sam ran to replace the casing cover. She rubbed a little dirt around the edges to make the monolith looked dusty and untouched.

"Okay, Carter, now signal Thor. It's too dangerous to stay down here for now."

"Yes sir," Sam reached into the pocket of her vest for the Asgard stone, but her hands flew back to her weapon when another contingent of Jaffa arrived in the clearing, this one larger than the last, and began firing at the four teammates.

Behind the Jaffa stood an evil sneering being which could only be a Goa'uld. He strode arrogantly into the clearing, his personal forcefield protecting him, and began shooting at them with a zat.

Teal'C jumped out of the path of the blue zat fire with ease, agilely avoiding injury, but Daniel was hit and fell to the ground, paralyzed and in great pain.

"Not again, Daniel groaned, referring to his unfortunate tendency to draw enemy fire. The Goa'uld laughed and aimed his zat at Daniel again.

"No!" raged Jack, jumping in front of Daniel to shield him from a second, fatal blast. Jack pulled out his pocket knife and zinged it through the Goa'uld's energy shield, counting on the fact that this Goa'uld had probably never before encountered the T'auri and therefore did not know his force field was vulnerable to low-velocity weapons.

Jack smiled in grim satisfaction when the knife sunk into the chest of the Goa'uld. In his arrogant confidence that his shield was impenetrable, he wore no armor, only an ostentatiously ornate robe. With disbelief and shock in his glowing eyes, he froze for a second, then turned and shakily fled the clearing.

Even in the midst of the chaos erupting around her, Sam's mind was still occupied with the problem of the malfunctioning Ancient defense device, knowing that if she could get it to work it would simply transport the enemy away and they and the planet would again be protected. She crawled to the stone and clawed tenaciously at the casing.

She remembered Thor's earlier comment that O'Neill possessed some sort of Ancient gene, making him compatible with Ancient technology. She had no idea what he had meant at the time, but after seeing the stone coverplate fall off at Jack's touch, she was beginning to have a suspicion.

"Colonel! I need you!"

"Go," cried Teal'C, turning to the Colonel and gesturing towards Sam. He and Daniel, who was recovered enough now to hold a weapon, were fending off the enemy quite well. The Jaffa were confused and dismayed by the sudden retreat of their 'god'.

Jack was at Sam's side immediately. The casing cover plate once again slid off effortlessly as soon as he touched it.

"Now what?" he shouted over the din.

"Touch that panel," she directed, hoping her hunch continued to be correct.

Jack looked at Sam skeptically before he plunged his hand into the opening, feeling along the back wall of the chamber, until his hand encountered a strange handle made of a pliable substance behind the workings Sam had adjusted earlier. He molded his palm around the substance and jumped back when the components within lit up with a whirring noise. But as soon as he withdrew his hand, the lights faded and winked out.

"Again!" Sam urged.

More forcefully now, he again grasped the soft handle and the monolith lights came on again. This time, he stayed firmly in place while the humming noise grew to a fevered pitch. The Jaffa dropped their staff weapons and covered their ears as the noise increased unbearably. Daniel and Teal'C fell to their knees soon after, also overcome by the horrible screeching filling the air.

"Sam..." Jack cried anxiously. He was shaking and sweating from the energy flowing into his body through his hand.

She reached out to him and grasped his shoulder.

"Don't let go...don't..." she was rendered speechless by a wave of blinding light, sound, and gravity that blasted out of the monolith, spreading like a tremendous shockwave in every direction. When they dared to open their eyes again, the Jaffa were simply gone. Jack, however, still hung desperately onto the handle behind the control panel, afraid to let go even yet.

"Everybody okay?" he choked out hoarsely, trying to look at each of them but limited by his position. He sagged visibly with relief and fatigue as each of his team answered in the affirmative.

Sam waited a few minutes more before she reached inside and placed her hand over his. Her intention had been to suggest he let go slowly, so she could monitor the effect on the device, but the energy surge that washed through her hand as soon as she touched Jack's drove all conscious thought from her mind.

She gasped and looked at Jack in amazement. She could feel the pulsing life of the mysterious machine, and something else, too. Something she couldn't quite put a name to, something already intimately familiar to her although she had never experienced it like this.

"What is it?" She whispered to him, mesmerized by the sensations emanating from her contact with his hand. Daniel and Teal'C were right next to her now, watching with astonishment.

"I can't describe it. Life force, maybe? It's like I'm part of this thing. I could swear it's alive." Jack's voice faltered as he closed his eyes and his head sank forward.

"Sir? Are you okay?"

"Tired," was all he answered.

"Let go of it," Sam demanded, fear for him suddenly crowding out all other thoughts.

"Can't," he whispered.

"Then I'll help you let go of it, Jack. Here we go."

Sam grasped his hand as hard as she could, lacing her fingers through his, and began pulling his hand away gently at first, then with more and more force.

"I can't move his hand! My hand is stuck, too!" Sam cried out desperately to Daniel and Teal'C. Jack's eyes were now closed, and Sam could feel the energy increasing in its intensity as it pulsated through his body and cascaded into hers.

"Try it again, Sam, and we'll pull with you."

"No, don't touch me. We might all be trapped by the energy field. I'll try again."

Jack heard her voice from afar as his mind slowly lost its grip on reality. The hum of the machine was overwhelming his senses and beginning to sound more and more like his nightmare river. The smaller hand gripping his so tightly seemed to him to be all that was holding him back from slipping into the rushing torrent. Looking up, in his mind's eye, to see what was holding him, he thought he saw Sam, her one hand clinging to a branch above their heads while the other hand held him in an iron grip. To his half-aware mind, her hand appeared to be slowly slipping. Soon they would both be swept away. The painfully familiar panic threatened to overwhelm him.

"Let me go, Carter. Save yourself," Sam heard the Colonel murmur softly in his semi-conscious state. Sam remembered the dream Jack had so vividly described to her the night before, and a new determination filled her. She wanted so badly to give his fears a new ending.

His words from the night before filled her thoughts...

_"I'm your CO, Sam. I'm not supposed to be personally involved with soldiers under my command. But with you, there's nothing but personal. I can't separate my feelings for you into categories. I try, but as soon as we're out there, working together, doing our jobs, it all gets lumped together again. It scares me."_

_"Why does that scare you? Why is that so wrong?"_

_"Because it's just a matter of time before my hand slips off that branch. Your career could be derailed completely. I won't do that to you. Or, I'll make a decision in the field based on my personal feelings, and someone will get hurt."_

_"You're scared because you can't control this. You're terrified to lose control. You don't have to save me from anything, Jack. I can look after myself. You're taking on way more responsibility than is yours to take. If that's why you're resigning, then you're resigning for the wrong reasons."_

One finger at a time, refusing to give in, she finally managed to work his hand loose and win the battle. He fell bonelessly against her as they lost their balance from the sudden lack of resistance. Daniel caught Sam before she could fall backwards under the Colonel's weight. It seemd to Jack's muddled awareness that Sam had somehow managed to snatch them both from the threat of the raging river and he was now lying on the bank, safe at last. He gratefully sensed her arms locked around him and blacked out.

"Look," Sam directed, pointing within the monolith casing. The lighted panels remained on this time, humming steadily and quietly. "I think it's fixed now."

Teal'C picked up the cover and looked questioningly back at Sam. She nodded affirmatively and Teal'C popped the panel into place.

"Sam?" He was beginning to revive now. Sam held him securely, cradling him against her while he came around.

"What just happened?" He asked groggily.

"We did it, sir," Sam reported triumphantly.

"We're not sure, Jack, but somehow you fixed that thing," Daniel added in amazement.

Sam pulled out the Asgard stone and pressed it. Their surroundings on the planet disintegrated into nothingness and then morphed into Thor's ship as the Asgard transporter beam captured them.

Thor stood waiting to greet them. If Asgards could smile, Thor would have been wearing an ear-splitting grin right about then.

"Your mission is successful!" He crowed. "This planet is protected from the enemy once more. We are once again in your debt."

Only then did Thor take notice of the scene before him. Jack was still curled up in Sam's arms, not quite conscious. Daniel had fallen to his knees as soon as he had fully materialized on the deck of the ship and was rubbing his arms spasmodically. His face was pinched in pain.

"You are in need of rest and sustenance. Come." Thor led them to their quarters. Sam and Teal'C were on either side of the Colonel, practically carrying him along. They lowered him onto a cot and turned to Thor.

"You will be returned to Earth now. After you are rested, I believe you will have questions for me. We will talk later." Still looking uncharacteristically elated for an Asgard, Thor bowed slightly and left them alone.

"Okay, what just happened down there?" Daniel ventured. "Why did that machine turn on when Jack touched it? And what's wrong with him now?"

"It is said among my people that the Ancients possessed the ability to give life to inanimate objects. The legends of Chulak say they can heal with a touch, and turn their bodies into energy. Thor said that O'Neill is somehow related to the Ancients. Perhaps he has some of these powers and is unaware of his ability."

"I don't know how he did it, but he fixed that machine somehow," Sam agreed. "But I wish I knew what it did to him. He's still unconscious."

She was sitting next to his still form on the cot with worry shadowing her eyes.

"We'll keep an eye on him while he rests. Thor didn't seem too concerned, Sam. I think we should all do as he suggested and get some rest while we can."

Sam nodded at Daniel and slid down to the floor beside the Colonel, laying her head down near his on the cot. As exhausted as she was, it didn't take her long to fall asleep.

* * *

"What's going on?" 

It was some time later that Jack's groggy whisper woke Sam from a deep state of sleep. The lights in the room had been dimmed to allow the team to rest. Sam could barely make out Jack's features, but he was rubbing the heels of his palms on his eyes and trying to stand up. She placed her hand on his chest to keep him on the cot until she could help him get oriented.

"It's okay, sir, we're on Thor's ship. The mission was successful."

"Carter?"

"Yes, sir, it's me. How do you feel?"

"A little loopy."

"A little?"

"Okay, a lot loopy. Are there any meds in that pile of supplies Thor brought with us?"

"Like headache meds?"

"Yeah."

Sam walked quietly across the dark floor and brought her backpack over to Jack. She pulled out her own medkit and handed him a bottle.

"Here."

"I can't get the top off," Jack confessed after a brief struggle. He fell backwards onto the cot and handed Sam the bottle. "What happened?"

"Well, you fixed the device on the planet by touching it," she informed him while handing him 2 pills and a canteen. "Do you remember?"

Jack was silent while he swallowed the pills, then he sat up next to her, close to her side so their whispered conversation wouldn't wake the others.

"I remember some things, but it's pretty fuzzy right now." He turned and looked at her sharply all of a sudden.

"What do you mean, I touched it and fixed it?" Jack asked uneasily.

"It was you and your 'special' gene," Sam said in a teasing tone.

"Whatever," he whispered. "Thanks, by the way. For pulling me out of there." Jack reached over to her and pulled her against his side with a sigh. Sam nestled into his arm and pillowed her head on his shoulder.

"I'm glad you're okay," she whispered. "Jack, when you were attached to the Ancient device on the planet, and I was holding your hand, I felt something really...well, indescribable. But I think it was- somehow- it was you."

He looked down at her uncomfortably. "It was just the machine. It seemed alive. I felt something I'd never experienced before. I guess you could feel that too."

"I did. But it was more than just the device. I could feel you in there, too. Don't tell me I didn't. I know you. Besides, I've experienced other life forces: Jolinar, the Entity- and that was definitely you." Sam's arms tightened around him. "It was incredible."

Jack closed his eyes and tried to remember the minutes they'd spent in the monolith's energy field together, searching desperately for any reciprocal memory of Sam's conscienceness. He envied her experience, wishing fervently that he could have likewise sensed Sam's life force, her soul, in the same way as she had described. Jack unconsciously pulled her closer and buried his face in her hair, breathing in its fragrance.

"I wish..." Jack started, then paused.

"What?"

"Nothing. Let's get a few more hours of sleep, what do you say?" Jack pulled her down next to him with a sure arm and settled onto the cot with a sleepy groan. He was so tired that he was asleep in a few minutes, but Sam lay awake a long time, drinking in the bittersweet sensation of lying in Jack's arms, the worries they'd temporarily left behind on Earth now growing like shadows in her mind again. She wondered what he'd been about to wish for.

She replayed his sweet words to her during their memorable talk back at his house...

_"...I can't figure out why you care so much for me, but it makes me very happy that you do," Jack responded to her declaration. "But, it also makes this whole situation more complicated."_

_"Why? Nothing's changed. You and I have felt like this for a long time. Why resign now?"_

_"Because I decided to start being honest with myself. Stop pretending what I feel for you is something other than what it is." Jack paused and shifted away from her, uncomfortable with his feelings but needing to express them to her._

_"When I said I was 'personally involved', I meant I think about you all the time. Every time I make a decision, I take you into consideration. Most of the time, I don't even make a decision until I've asked you your opinion first. I depend on you for other stuff, too. I know you'll laugh at my jokes. I seek out your company above anyone else's. You make me want to be a better person. You...complete me."_

Nestled up to Jack's side in the dim room, Sam savored the memory and wished sadly that time could just freeze at this moment, while everything seemed so simple and right.

Because she honestly didn't know where they would go from here.

* * *

_A/N _

_Timeline as promised:_

_As you know by now, this fic begins a few weeks after 'Entity,' with Colonel O'Neill still trying to get over the horror of having fatally zatted Carter. Even though she survives on a fluke, he can't forgive himself and is petrified of what he might do if faced with a similar situation at some point in the future. _

_At this point in the actual show, SG1 has yet to discover the full extent of Jack's abilities as a descendant of the Ancients, but I think a few hints of what they learn about him later in Season 7 could have slipped out like this, here and there along the way._

_In 'Double Jeopardy', the next actual episode after 'Entity', the events of Chapters 1 and 2 of 'Command Decision' have already occurred and Jack is still conflicted over whether he should resign. Newly arrived from Thor's rescue mission (Chapter 2), they are interrupted in the briefing room scene (coming next in Chapter 3) by the sound of klaxons and the arrival of Harlan. During 'Double Jeopardy,' there is a scene where alternate Sam dies in front of the real Sam and Jack. (Not to mention the fact that all the other clones apparently also die.) Sam andJack exchange a look that takes on deeper meaning given the background developed here._

_The last scene of that episode shows SG1 having successfully defeated the Goa'uld Cronus and having commandeered Cronus' mothership. They can't park the ship in orbit around Earth (my assumption), so they fly it to the Tok'Ra base where they join forces with Jacob and eventually expose Tanith, the Tok'Ra who is actually a Goa'uld in disguise infiltrating the Tok'Ra. This is where the episode 'Exodus' picks up, which has another scene that creates more emotional anguish for O'Neill, namely, the apparent death of Teal'C. Jack escapes Tanith's ambush but before he is rescued he witnesses Tanith ringing up to the mothership carrying Teal'C's body. Unknown to SG1 for now, Teal'C is revived and imprisoned by Apophis._

_This series will attempt to follow (if muse cooperates) the inner conflict and turmoil of O'Neill through 'Exodus' and beyond as he continues to wrestle with the issues he believes are compromising his ability to command. (Does anyone have a different take on or additions to how I interpreted (and embellished on) the sequence of events of these episodes?)_


	3. Chapter 3

Commanding Offiicer Chapter 3 

_A/N: Continuing to follow SG1 through the end of Season 4 into Season 5, this chapter veers a bit (okay more than a bit) off the beaten cannon, exploring O'Neill's inner struggles with his command responsibilities along with the added complication of his growing closeness to Sam. This chapter is a loose rewrite of 'Exodus' with the intention of exposing all the scenes the original writers 'omitted' (heh heh :) ) _

_If you've been following along, you'll notice I changed the name of the series to 'Commanding Officer.' I found another Stargate fanfic called 'Command Decision' written by MHE Priest. Wow, it's good! Read it! Has a somewhat similar theme to this series, but it's Sam, not Jack, doing the soul-searching. I didn't want to steal a title so I changed mine._

* * *

General Hammond waited until all of SG1 had seated themselves, freshly arrived from the showers and their routine infirmary visit. Jack was the last to arrive, due to Dr. Frasier's alarm over the story she got out of the team as it pertained to Jack's role in the mission. Much to his dismay, she checked him over very thoroughly before finally releasing him to attend the debriefing. 

"Welcome back, SG1. I know this was not exactly how you all had envisioned spending your downtime, so I want to thank you again for doing such an excellent job on short notice. Thor kept repeating how much in our debt he is."

"Right where we want him, sir," Jack quipped. Hammond chuckled, then cleared his throat and became serious.

"Colonel O'Neill, unless you're ready to tell me you've changed your mind, the two weeks of downtime still stands while you are deciding what you are going to do."

The atmosphere in the room grew suddenly more chilled as the three teammates waited to hear what their CO was going to say.

"I haven't changed my mind."

Sam repressed an urge to kick him under the table. When she had first heard, she had been heartbroken that he was retiring. She couldn't imagine them not being on SG1 together. But after the last few days, after the streamlined way in which the team had worked together on this latest mission without a hitch, Sam was working up a good head of steam.

There was an awkward silence in the room in response to Jack's curt answer.

"Very well," Hammond sighed, " You are all dismissed and on down time for the next..."

Blaring klaxons interrupted the General's statement, and the five jumped up at once and ran down to the Gateroom.

"Here we go again," grumbled Jack to Sam as she brushed past him. As she rounded the corner of the door in front of him, she looked back momentarily and flashed him an impish smile. Maybe, she hoped, if SG1 remained this busy, Jack just wouldn't have a chance to retire.

In the control room, the airman monitoring the gate turned as the General arrived, SG1 close behind.

"It's not a standard IDC, sir. It just says, 'Comtraya.'"

Jack's face immediately morphed into an exasperated grimace.

"What's that mean?" Hammond asked, mystified, needing to find out quickly if it signified friend or foe.

Jack stepped forward and gestured with his hands. "It means...Shalom...Aloha...that sort of thing."

"It is the greeting of the artificial life form named Harlan from PX3-989," Teal'C volunteered.

"You mean the Harlan that cloned all of you?" A heated argument between Jack and Sam ensued over whether or not to open the iris to the unpredictable alien.

Hammond suddenly seemed to realize it was now or never, and cut them short.

"Open the iris."

O'Neill groaned and glared at Carter. She gave him a distasteful look as they all went to the Gate to see why Harlan was there. There at the Gate stood the nervous old man, smiling appeasingly and shaking.

"Comtraya!" He cried out his well-known greeting.

Sam stole another amused peek at Jack's stormy expression.

"What are you doing here, Harlan?" Jack growled.

The man bowed and smiled again, but his eyes were desperate.

"You need to help...you."

By the next evening, the dangerous, fast-paced attempt to save Harlan's SG1 clones was over. Jack and Sam had managed to avoid injury, but Teal'C had not been as fortunate. Jack had finally found Teal'C, dazed and wounded from the torture he had endured at the hands of the now dead Cronus. He had a similar story to the others, in that his clone had given his life to save his human counterpart.

Jack and Sam saw to Teal'C's injuries, which were not as bad as they had thought at first, and he was now resting comfortably. Jack and Sam were now making their way down the dark path through the woods from Darien's village to Juna's Gate in order to make a report to Hammond.

"Daniel should be back from his dig by now, sir," Sam commented as they walked along in the beam of their flashlights.

"I was just thinking the same thing. Hope he's ready for a quick turn-around. He'll have to Gate here to join us for the next phase of this wild ride."

"Where would that be to, sir?" Sam knew they couldn't take the ship to Earth and risk it being detected in orbit.

"Hammond will let us know. But my guess is the Tok'Ra base on Vorash. It's the best place to hide the ship for now. You'll get to see Dad this trip, I'd bet."

"I'd like that," Sam smiled. It had been a while since she had last visited with Jacob Carter.

"I'm glad this part of the mission is over, though." Jack said no more, but Sam knew he was referring to the uncomfortable experience of watching their cloned selves suffer and die in order to save the lives of the real team.

"Me too. I'm sorry for Harlan. I wish it could have ended differently. And it was...very wierd." Sam replied. Jack glanced over at her and saw sadness and confusion clouding her eyes.

"Here we are. Dial up." Jack kept up a lookout while Sam quickly pressed the symbols for Earth. The wormhole opened with a roaring whoosh.

Only a few hours later, the team and Jacob Carter were on their way in their newly acquired mothership, courtesy of the late Goa'uld, Cronus, hurtling towards the Tok'Ra base through hyperspace. Daniel had come through the Gate from Earth even more quickly than Jack had predicted and was now reunited with his team for the mission to Vorash. The huge ship, so empty now, was quiet to the point of eerie as they warily explored their new possession.

At least, Sam, Daniel and Teal'C were exploring. Jack, who would normally have been crowing with glee over the turn of events that had dropped a Goa'uld mothership in his lap, was sitting on the 'throne', as he called it, on the Pel'tac level, gravely going over in his mind all that had happened in such an incredibly short space of time.

One memory was particularly troublesome. Although it had been unsettling to watch his own clone die, Jack couldn't stop mentally replaying what he had seen and felt while watching Sam's clone die. For one awful instant, it had seemed to him to be his Sam lying there on the cold floor, dying. It had been way too real. He desperately wished he could banish the scene from playing out on the stage of his mind, but it torturously refused to stop...

_As the last of the huge metal doors lowered into place, cutting off the Jaffa that had been shooting at them, Jack turned, panting from the exertion of battle, to see Sam kneeling by the side of her clone. The cloned Sam had a horrific wound on one side of her face, made even more shocking by the fact that it exposed a greyish liquid mingled among her complex circuitry, rather than bone and blood. She had crumpled in a heap moments before, just after plunging her hand into the electrical currents of the control panel, saving their lives by manually closing the blast doors surrounding them._

_The Sam robot wore a dazed look and, unbelievably, seemed to be in pain. The anguish evident on her dying face still haunted Jack even now._

_Her head had faltered, her eyes had closed, and then she had died, all while Carter was crouched next to her, frozen in place as she tried to process the wrenching scene._

_Then it had happened._

_Sam had looked up just as Jack's eyes had strayed from the dead clone to her wonderfully alive face._

_Jack's heart had felt like it was on fire as he stared at her. Ever since they had returned from this last mission, he had been slowly convincing himself that maybe he could stay on SG1 after all. They had worked together just fine on this mission, hadn't they? His fears were beginning to look silly to him, and he had begun to entertain the possibility that he and Carter could maintain a professional relationship without any dire consequences._

_But now, seeing Sam lying on the floor dead, even knowing it wasn't really her, made him irrationally want to grab the real Sam and lock her away where she would be forever safe from harm._

He could still see her eyes, wild and distressed, looking to him for comfort after effectively watching herself die.

He couldn't begin to imagine losing her for real.

"Hey." The softly spoken greeting caused him to jump and reach for his gun. He turned like lightning and saw Sam there. He'd been so preoccupied he'd never heard her come in.

"Sorry, sir, I didn't mean to alarm you. It's a bit spooky in here, isn't it?"

Jack relaxed and resumed his slouched position in the chair. "Yeah, it is that."

"What are you doing here? I thought you'd be checking everything out."

"Just thinking."

Something in his tone brought her up short. Sam had been so caught up in the traumatic clone rescue mission that it was with dismay she suddenly remembered the Colonel's resignation still hanging in the balance. He saw her face fall and guessed what she was thinking. Slipping down from his perch he moved over to her.

"Not about the issues back at home. About something that happened today."

"Tell me."

Major Carter was gone, and it was Sam who stood before him, warm and alive and familiar. Once again they had seamlessly crossed the line from professional to personal. Jack reached out and took her hand so he could draw her in close.

"I watched you die," he finally answered.

"It wasn't me," Sam countered automatically, but she knew she wasn't fooling either of them. It had been incredibly difficult for her too, watching the Sam-clone die after sacrificing herself for her counterparts. It had reminded Sam that neither she nor any of her team were exempt from such a fate. Sam believed herself to be a loyal and faithful soldier, but she didn't know if she truly had it in her to die for someone else, even after watching her cloned self do it.

"I don't ever want you to save my life by dying for me. I wouldn't want to live without you in my life anyway, Sam. Promise me we'll stick it out to the end, together, if we ever get cornered. You know...Butch Cassidy and the Sun-Dance Kid. Bonnie and Clyde. Marge and Homer."

"Thelma and Louise."

"Thelma and Louise?" He shook his head, chuckling. His expression grew melancholy as he studied her face. "What are we going to do?"

"Now you really are talking about issues back home. And as long as we are talking about this, why do you have to do anything? We're handling it. We've just been on two missions back to back, full of danger and hairy situations, and nothing between us compromised our ability to do our jobs. Nothing."

"Maybe not this time. But it will eventually, Sam. I can't watch you die again. It seems like a recurring theme lately. I keep wondering when it's going to be the real thing: no magical reversals, no handy clones around to take the fall for us."

"It goes both ways, you know. I can't imagine losing you, either."

"I need to be reminded of that sometimes," Jack conceded. His eyes caught hers, and Sam was amazed to see that the usual guarded reserve was gone. His gaze now willingly revealed the depth of his love and longing for her, as well as his inner conflict.

Unable to stop herself, she reached up and trapped his face between her hands, wanting more than anything to ease his pain.

"It doesn't have to be this hard," she soothed.

"I wish I could believe that."

"I wish..." Sam's sentence fell away and she finished her thought without words, for she couldn't find any. Moving in slowly, she hesitantly touched her lips to his. A thrill ran through her when he eagerly responded. She had half expected to be pushed away again, as he had done earlier in the week when she'd shown up at his house. Instead he leaned into her embrace and took control with a sweet and fiery possessiveness. It was a long time before they broke apart.

"You're right. That wasn't hard at all," Jack gently teased.

"Why do I have the feeling that I'm not helping my side of the case too much?" Sam murmured.

"Uhh. Because you're not," Jack retorted softly. "But...it doesn't really matter right now what I've decided, does it? We're on our way to the Tok'Ra base in a Goa'uld mothership. Who knows what's coming next."

They suddenly scrambled to keep their balance as a jolt shook the ship. They had come out of hyperspace precisely on schedule and were orbiting the Tok'Ra planet, Vorash.

Jacob was pleased to see his daughter again and seated himself next to Sam in the Council meeting that had been called upon the arrival of the victorious T'auri. All of the Tok'Ra were buzzing with excitement over the capture of the ship and consequently the Council Hall was full of Tok'Ra wanting to hear the details of their encounter with Cronus.

Tanith sat confidently at the table with the Tok'Ra, unaware that his status as a Goa'uld spy was no secret to them. Teal'C was eyeing him with barely concealed fury. Jack watched Teal'C uneasily, knowing the Jaffa wouldn't rest until he had exacted revenge on Tanith for the murder of Shon'ac, Teal'C's former lover and close friend.

Tanith's mind was visibly at work trying to figure out what SG1 were doing here.

"How exactly did a Goa'uld mothership come into your possession?" Tanith asked Jack warily.

"Well, it was kind of a trade deal. Cronus gave us his ship, and he got what was coming to him."

"Really?" Tanith responded to O'Neill. "Cronus is dead?"

Jacob answered, still careful to not show his hand. "Now that we have access to a mothership we will be able to move our people and our Stargate as well, and thereby establish a completely new and secure base."

"I don't understand. Why have I been excluded from such important information?"

Teal'C stepped forward, more than eager to be the one to let Tanith know he was found out. "The Tok'Ra do not wish Apophis to be informed."

Teal'C's dark eyes flashed with hate and rage while his lips upturned in a tense smile of triumph. He watched, still not satisfied, as an incredulous Tanith was taken forcefully from the room to be imprisoned. As Tanith neared Teal'C at the doorway, he leaned maliciously into his face.

"You will never escape," Tanith spit at him. "System Lords will hunt you down to the end of the galaxy."

Teal'C's angry smile never wavered as Tanith was led away. Jack heaved a sigh of relief, mirrored by the feelings of everyone in the room.

"That guy is a living cliche," Jack quipped.

It took many hours for the ship to be readied for the trip to the new base. The Stargate had finally been successfully loaded aboard when word came that Tanith had somehow escaped the base and was hiding on the planet's surface.

"Whoa, Teal'C," cautioned Jack, watching his friend sympathetically. "Help down here, Carter, Daniel. I'm going with Teal'C to look for Tanith."

The concern visible on Jack's face implied he was going with Teal'C more to keep him out of trouble than to find the escaped spy. As they walked off toward the ring room, Sam noticed how closely Jack was shadowing Teal'C.He feared the Jaffa would do something reckless to exact his revenge on Tanith. A jolt of worry for both of them shot through her.

Daniel met the two teammates at the underground ring platform hours later when they returned, empty-handed and discouraged.

"Jacob and Sam want us in the Council Chamber now, Jack. There's been a change of plans."

Jack and Teal'C looked quizzically at each other after hearing the news that Tanith had somehow got word to Apophis, and now Apophis' fleet was on the way to Vorash. Daniel's eyes grew wide as they all listened to Jacob and Sam's new plan.

"Wow," Jack began, astounded by Sam's explanation of what they were about to attempt.

"That's..."

"...ambitious," Daniel and Jack chimed together in unison. Sam had come up with some pretty wild ideas over the years, but blowing up a star was a new one. Of course, Jack admitted to himself, her ideas usually worked, no matter how crazy they sounded on paper.

"Well Jack?" Jacob wanted an answer, but it was Jack's decision whether or not to risk the valuable mothership so recently acquired.

"Let me think about this," Jack huffed.

Silence reigned for a long moment. Jacob raised his eyebrows impatiently.

"Still thinking," was all the response he got.

"Sir," Sam pleaded, "we may never have an opportunity like this again."

Jack made the mistake of looking right into Sam's big, blue, irresistable eyes that were gazing passionately into his. He knew then that even though it may look to everyone else in the room like he had a choice, he really didn't.

"Ok." He said meekly.

Jack sought out an empty room where he could grab a quick nap while all the preparations for the change of plans were carried out. It would be several hours before the Tok'Ra were all safely evacuated through the Gate to a secure location and before the team would be able to carry out their grandiose plan to eliminate Apophis and his fleet. Finding a room with a stone platform erected by the Tok'Ra as a sleeping pallet, Jack curled up with his head pillowed on his pack. It was a bit cold, but he was so tired he hardly noticed.

Sam found him before he'd drifted off completely. He heard her come in before he saw her, and sat up half-way.

"Carter?"

"Yes, sir. Just thought I'd find you and let you know the evacuation will be complete in about an hour. It won't be long now."

"An hour?" Jack repeated groggily.

"Yes."

"Then we've got an hour before anyone comes looking for us?"

Sam just looked at him in confusion. "What?"

"I'm not trying to compromise your virtue, I'm just cold. And sleepy. Come here."

Smiling timidly now, Sam sat down next to him and allowed him to pull her down onto the cold stone. They cautiously curled up together, seeking out each other's warmth, glad to have this stolen opportunity to be together.

"So where were we before we got interrupted on the ship?" Jack murmured deliciously in her ear.

"I thought you weren't going to compromise my virtue," Sam giggled.

"I won't. Much. Hey, you came in here all by yourself, as I recall."

"I wondered where you'd gone," Sam replied. "I wanted to spend some time with you."

Jack's face lit up at that, then grew pensive.

"I've been thinking about something you said a few days ago. You told me I feel too much responsibility for the members of my team."

"I remember," Sam agreed.

"We were both right, y'know," Jack continued. "As C.O. I'm answerable for everyone under my command. But I was so concerned with keepingeach of you safe that I'd stopped trusting in us as a team. I lost sight of how much I depend on all of you. These last few days have reminded me of that."

"You're right, Jack. You need us as much as we need you. You can't shoulder it all alone."

"Yeah. I guess I'd forgotten that."

"And, so..."

"And so, I'mconsidering withdrawing my resignation."

"Good! But what about...us?" She gestured between the two of them.

"I don't know. We'll cross that bridge...for now it's enough just knowing how you feel."

"Oh?" Sam couldn't resist teasing a little.

"Yeah. Well, and the occasional opportunity to have my way with you, and all that."

"Sir!" Sam burst out. She immediately realized they were way past 'sir' in this conversation.

"Sorry, Jack, it just popped out. Habit."

"Does that mean I can have my way with you?" He had turned to face her and his lips were brushing tantalizingly over her cheek.

"Uh, no." She turned away, determined to not let this get out of hand.

"Please?" he whispered mischievously.

"Go to sleep, SIR," she retorted.

"Rats," he muttered half-heartedly into the back of her head.

Both had now gone so long without sleep that they could barely keep their eyes open anyway. Sam pulled his arms around her more securely and closed her eyes, guessing it could be a while before they had another opportunity to rest.

She had no idea how right she was.

It felt like only five minutes later when Daniel shook him awake. There was no sign of Sam.

"Jack. Jacob and Sam are ready. It's time for us to ring up to the ship."

Jack groaned and shook his head to get the fog out. "Okay, you don't have to keep doing that," he grumbled, pushing Daniel's arm away. "I'm up. Let's go."

The tunnels were dark and eerie and it was obvious to the three soldiers that they were the last ones to leave the abandoned Tok'Ra base. Within seconds, they materialized on the mothership and made their way to join Sam and Jacob on the Pel'tac. Jack ran for the throne.

"Shotgun," he claimed with boyish delight.

Jacob gave him an exasperated glance and then turned to the controls in front of him.

"Setting course for the sun. We're picking up Apophis' fleet on long range scanners."

Sam turned from her console next to her father's and gestured to Jack.

"We should go get the Stargate ready to go."

Jacob turned to Sam with an irritated grimace. "You don't need Jack to help you with..."

Sam was already gone, Jack trailing behind her giving Jacob a confused look as he left the Pel'tac and tagged after her. Jacob had been taking every opportunity to make sure Jack knew he considered him excess baggage on this mission. There had always been a bit of tension between the two officers, but lately Jacob had been outright rude. It didn't bother Jack any, who liked Jacob and wasn't threatened by his blustering. Sam, however, was stomping along ahead of Jack as they headed for the cargo bay. Jack caught a glimpse of her stormy features and stopped her with a light touch on her shoulder.

"What's eating your Dad?"

"It's nothing, he's just being the Dad I know and try to love," Sam spit back.

"Oh, come on, Carter. Something's different. Did I do something to upset him? Is he still mad because I won't give the Tok'Ra this mothership? He's not usually quite this grouchy." Jack raised an eyebrow. "What's wrong?"

Sam sighed. "He saw me leaving your sleeping quarters back on Vorash." Sam began walking again, but slower now, and apace with Jack.

"Oh." Jack realized that Jacob had apparently assumed the worst and was now disappointed in their unprofessional behavior. He wasn't so sure about Selmac. She was a die-hard romantic.

"He made some comments to me before you arrived on the ship that hurt. He's already jumped to conclusions about last night without even asking me about it. Even if he'd let me talk, which he didn't, he wouldn't believe me anyway."

"What's he going to do about it?"

"Nothing, Jack, not as far as our jobs are concerned. But he'll make life miserable for us for as long as possible, I would guess."

"He thinks we..."

"Yes," Sam whispered angrily.

"But he's not going to say anything..."

"He's not in the air force anymore. There's no reason for him to take this further."

Jack was silent, frowning while he processed what he'd just heard. "So you're saying we missed a perfectly good opportunity?"

"This isn't funny, Colonel," Sam protested, laughing weakly at his mischievous expression in spite of her words. But the anger was fading from her eyes.

Sam reached the Cargo Bay control panel and Jack took the console to her left. All business now, she got right to work.

"Initiating dial-out sequence."

"Engaging forcefield." Jack watched silently as she unerringly went through the steps to prepare the Stargate. She exhaled nervously and seemed to be unsure of herself for a split second.

"Something wrong?" Jack probed.

"No. I've just never blown up a star before." Jack looked over at her, trying to decipher the emotions written on her features. Nervousness? Dread?

"Well, they say the first time's the hardest." Sam smiled and raised an eyebrow at him, relaxing just a bit at the understated humor.

"They say that..." he trailed off.

After a bemused shake of her head, Sam finished the preparations for launching the Stargate. As he continued watching her, it hit him that it wasn't fear he was witnessing. It was the excitement of a paratrooper about to jump. It was the anticipation of a kid on Christmas morning. She was loving this with every fiber of her being.

"Stargate is away," she announced proudly a moment later.

"Let's get back up to the Pel'tac, Carter," Jack ordered.

As they strode purposefully back up the halls towards the others, the ship shook from an explosion, and then another, and another. Jack's face went taut and he broke into a jog, Sam right on his heels.

"We're under attack."

The mission went south fast after that. The attacking Al'kesh had been hiding in orbit in order to pick up Tanith from the surface of the planet, Vorash. Although Apophis' fleet wasn't in the system yet, they were fast approaching, and Jack's precious mothership had lost power to the shields and weapons due to the attacks of the smaller, faster ship. They'd had no options but to send Jack and Teal'C out in a death glider to pursue the Al'kesh, giving Sam and Jacob time to repair the ship's critical systems.

While they were working on the damaged hyperdrive, the intercom sputtered and Daniel's voice interrupted them.

"Sam, I just got a 'mayday' from Jack."

Panic swept through Sam while she fought to keep her voice and emotions under control.

"What's going on?"

"I don't know. I just lost the transmission."

"Hang on." Sam turned to Jacob. "We have to go back."

Jacob began to disagree, attempting to explain to Sam how dangerous it would be to attempt a rescue, but Sam realized immediately how urgent this situation was. Jack and Teal'C would surely be killed by the nova if they didn't go get them right now. It was now or never. Sam cut him off impatiently.

"We're NOT leaving them behind," she stated sharply. Incredibly, Jacob looked like he was about to say no again, but when he looked at his daughter's determined stance, he finally realized what he was doing. Regardless of what was hanging in the balance, nothing was as important as the lives of her team.

After that, events unfolded like a whirlwind. The sun had novaed on schedule. Apophis' fleet arrived. Jack had been beamed aboard seconds before the ship entered hyperspace. He had been alone, reporting that they'd been ambushed by Tanith and his men on the planet and that Teal'C was probably dead. In the shock that followed his announcement, Jacob turned from the navigational console with fear lining his face, reporting that they'd been caught in the shockwave of the nova while in hyperspace and had been thrown four million light years from home.

They might never get back.

They'd hardly had time to process anything when Apophis' ship had appeared before them, also caught in the blastwave and attacked them again. They'd had to take shelter in the coronosphere of a nearby star, where the radiation would shield them from detection. And when the ship neared the limits of its ability to shield them from the sun's atmosphere, they had crept back out of their fiery hiding place to discover that Apophis' ship had no life signs.

Confused and wary, but in desperate need of new crystals to repair their damaged ship, Jacob, Jack and Sam had boarded the enemy ship to find it crawling with replicators. They grabbed the crystals they needed and barely escaped with their lives.

But it had enabled them to repair the hyperdrive. Then, the first bright spot in many long days had burst forth when Teal'C hailed them, weak but very much alive, from an Al'Kesh that had escaped the doomed ship. Overjoyed, they opened the glider bay doors and allowed his ship to dockonly to find that Teal'C had deceived them. He was under the mind control of Apophis and now lost to them.

Sitting in the prison of the ship they had so recently commanded, they had been discouraged and exhausted. But then, the Replicators, the nemesis of the Goa'uld, had become their unwitting saviors. The techno-bugs had inexorably sabotaged the ship's systems, making it possible for SG1 to escape. Finding Apophis and his Jaffa either dead or fleeing, it hadn't been too difficult for Jacob and Daniel to secure the Al'Kesh for an escape.

At the same time, Jack and Sam had headed out to retrieve Teal'C, both determined to bring him back to the Al'Kesh and safety no matter what it took to do it. Sam knew why Jack had so definitively chosen her to accompany him to find Teal'C. It was more than her reliability as a soldier, although she knew Jack trusted her implicitly in the field.

She had overheard Jack talking to Daniel on the Pel'tac earlier and knew he blamed himself for Teal'C's capture. He had needed her support as his friend, his partner, on this quest to bring Teal'C home. He was afraid of what he might be forced to do.

And he had indeed been forced into a nightmare situation, that of having to shoot his friend to save him. Sam closed her eyes and sadly remembered his stricken face as he lowered his P 90 after hesitating, then struggling with himself, and finally firing that shot. She'd watched the muscle in his jaw working uncontrollably, belying his confident stance. She had instinctively gravitated to his side in that split second of unbearable misery, sensing his anguish, knowing he needed her close, even if he wouldn't admit it. And when her arm made contact with his, she'd seen new strength flood into him. She'd remained close behind as he checked Teal'C for signs of life with a trembling hand.

Teal'C was now securely tied up in the hold of the Al'Kesh, recovering from the bullet wound inflicted by his C.O., still firm in the implanted belief that Apophis was his god. Jack was slumped on the floor of the small ship's main control room, staring dejectedly at nothing. The weary team was finally headed back to Earth.

Sam approached him carefully, well aware of his body language screaming, 'leave me alone'. Sliding down onto the floor next to him, she briefly touched his hand to get his attention. Before she could say anything, Jack glared at her fiercely.

"I don't want to hear it, Carter," he growled in low tones, sending a chill through her heart. He turned partially away from her and stared moodily into the opposite corner.

"Please, sir," she whispered plaintively, "can we talk somewhere?"

Jacob's hawk-like eyes were staring unapologetically at both of them now, a fact not lost on either Jack or Sam.

"There's nothing to talk about," Jack answered, his tone dangerously low. Sam died a little inside when she saw defeat and pain in his dark eyes. She guessed he was talking about more than the situation with Teal'C. She somehow knew he'd given up. Again. Given up on his command. Given up on himself.

Given up on them.

With a small nod, Sam somehow managed to get up and remove herself from the company of the three exhausted men. She found her way to the empty cargo hold and shut the door with a sob. She couldn't hold back the tears any longer.

_A/N: Now don't get all worried.  
I'm sure Sam and Jack will work it out, 'behind the scenes'.  
Next: The battle to get Teal'C's mind back parallels Sam's struggle to help Jack face his fears._


	4. Chapter 4 Threshold

Commanding Officer Chapter 4

_A/N: This is a short chapter, my first attempt at 'first-person'. The next episode in line is Ascension,which has inspired the next chapter to come, because Ascension does a great job of developing and then resolving some trust issues between Sam and Jack. (I'll attempt to 'discover' the relationship issues we don't see specifically portrayed but you **know** they are there!) This chapter takes place during 'Threshold'..._

* * *

I should have seen it coming. 

I should have been watching Teal'C's back. And It's my fault he's lying in the infirmary, dying.

I knew Tanith was still on that planet. And I knew Apophis' fleet was on the way and had probably made contact with Tanith when we shot down the ship they sent to pick up that stinking spy. I should have realized they'd send reinforcements as soon as they were in range.

I should have seen it coming.

Maybe I'll go home and get drunk. There's nothing I can do for Teal'C now anyway. Janet is convinced this rite of Malshuraan will kill Teal'C. Sounded like Bra'tac expects him to die, too. What was it Teal'C said? That nobody has ever survived the Rite of Malshuraan? Some rite. Of course, Teal'C hasn't exactly been reliable ever since we got him back from Apophis, all brainwashy.

The first mistake I made was in letting Teal'C go after Tanith in the first place. The nova would've wiped him out; we didn't need to risk our lives. I should have ordered him to drop this personal Jaffa revenge thing and go back to the mothership.

Oh wait, I did order him to go back to the mothership. He just chose to ignore my order, and I didn't even try to push it. Now he's lying in that bed fighting for his life because I decided to have a democracy instead of a command.

Carter's pissed at me, too. That's another whole can of worms I've opened because I can't keep my personal feelings separate from my military responsibilities. What was I thinking, kissing her on the ship? And practically ordering her to stay with me while we slept?

I should have asked for a replacement on the team the day I met her.

Oh wait, I did. Hammond overruled me. Well, at least this one's partially his fault. The minute we started sparring in that conference room about arm wrestling and how tough she was, I was attracted to her. Very attracted. I even liked her scientific mumbo-jumbo...now, that really should have been a red flag to me. Up until I met her, I would hide in the broom closet when I saw a scientist heading my way.

I should have seen it coming.

Carter's down there now, sitting with Teal'C. She's barely speaking to me. I can't blame her. First I step over the line with her, then I push her away. I know I hurt her feelings back there on the Al'Kesh. I didn't need to do that. She's done nothing to deserve that kind of treatment from me.

I told Carter I was going to sleep for two hours and then relieve her. Who am I kidding? I can't even sit on the bed for more than thirty seconds at a time. I think I'll go back to the observation room. I've already let Teal'C down too many times. I'm going to be there for him all the way through to the end this time. It can't make up for how I've failed him, but at least I'll be there if he needs me now.

Yeah.

I'm climbing the walls in here anyway. I'm not staying in here another second.

"You didn't stay away long."

"The same could be said of yourself, General."

Hammond can't leave, either. He's thinking about the future Teal'C would face here on Earth if this rite doesn't work, and even though he hasn't said it in precise words, he's determined to see this procedure through to success or death. He's made the decision that one way or another, Teal'C will not be locked up for the rest of his life. Which means, if Teal'C dies, Hammond might as well have pulled the trigger.

Like I did with Carter that day in the SGC hallway.

Being in command really sucks sometimes.

Uh oh. This is it. The heart monitor is flat lining and Bra'tac is trying to bring Teal'C out of it. Better get down there.

This can't be happening.

Right now, the only thing I can see in my mind is Teal'C sitting next to me all those hours I was pinned to the wall of the Gateroom by that alien artifact a couple years ago. He told me jokes, or at least he tried to. He wiped the sweat off my face. He kept me from totally losing it a couple of times. He would have taken my place if there was any possible way, I could see it in his eyes. And he never left.

Hey, Daniel and Carter are moving towards Teal'C and Bra'tac is smiling at us. He's awake! I don't believe it. He's talking. Carter looks like she's about to cry. So does Danny. I'm having a hard time holding back too, come to think of it.

"Out of curiosity, how do you feel about..." I start to ask, just to make sure, because I am the eternal skeptic, and because he's fooled me before.

"Apophis is a false god," he interrupts me readily, " a dead false god."

His eyes look like the Teal'C I remember, for the first time since all this started. The knot in my gut is beginning to unravel, finally.

We're going to be okay.

"That's good enough for me," I smile back at his tired yet peaceful face.

We're okay. Teal'C is okay, SG1 is okay, and we're back together again. And here I am, genuinely surprised right down to my socks that things worked out for us, again. And on top of all this, icing on the cake, Apophis is dead, at least I'm 99 percent sure he is dead.

And Carter. Well, she still looks pretty pissed at me, or sad maybe, but I know we'll be okay, too. Eventually. I hope.

I don't know why I always expect the worst. Maybe it's my training, all those years of learning to prepare for the worst-case scenario. Thinking of all the possibilities and being ready for any of them to happen.

Or maybe Sam was right. I don't trust my team, I don't let myself rely on them the way I should. I don't rely on anyone but myself, even when they have proven their trustworthiness to me over and over. I've been selling them short because I'm not willing to believe in them. In us.

I should know by now, after all we've been through together, that where SG1 is concerned, things just have a way of working out.

I should have seen it coming.


	5. Chapter 5 Ascension

_A/N: This chapter is an added scene to 'Ascension' that begins in the briefing room after Sam is retrieved from Orlin's planet. _

* * *

"So Major Carter, the alien built a stargate from materials he ordered over the internet with your credit cards? Then you followed him into this makeshift stargate to assist him in stopping a test which I had ordered to be done?" General Hammond's voice was a mix of amazement and quiet fury. 

"Sir, I didn't mean to intentionally disobey your order, but I had information you weren't aware of, and there wasn't time to get word to you that this test would result in the destruction of the planet. Although I did warn you earlier that that was a possibility, sir." Sam's lips were set in a tight line and anger was visibly etched on her features.

"Major, I don't think further insubordination would be in your best interest. You are dismissed to your base quarters while I discuss your situation with your commanding officer," General Hammond ordered curtly.

"Yes, sir." Sam rose from the briefing table and abruptly left. Jack was seated in a position to get a clear view of her face as she departed the room, and his heart ached when he caught sight of the dejection and betrayal on her features. Guilt and remorse shot through him. He turned back to the General, determined to iron things out, to do right by Carter.

"Sir, I know you're angry with her, but with all due respect, her comment wasn't meant to be intentionally insubordinate. In my opinion. Sir."

"You're right, Jack," Hammond sighed. "But going through that homemade stargate...I don't even know what to begin to call that stunt."

"I'd call it an act of desperation. We did treat her like she was having hallucinations when she tried to tell us the truth. Then we turned around and reprimanded her for not telling us what was going on. She was put in a no-win situation, sir. I put her in a no-win situation. I should have listened to her."

It was just the two of them in the briefing room, and Jack knew he could speak frankly now. He intended to take advantage of that privilege to the fullest in an effort to fix this mess.

"We don't know what would have happened had the test been allowed to proceed. That alien may have destroyed our best chance to finally secure a weapon capable of defending this planet." Hammond was still trying to get a handle on his anger.

"If Carter says it would have blown up the planet, sir, then you can be reasonably sure that's what would have happened."

"You're that sure of Carter's judgment?" Hammond challenged.

"I am. And if I'd put more confidence in her judgment at the beginning of the week, maybe the outcome would have been different."

Hammond was silent, watching his second-in-command with a perceptive eye. Jack's voice was soaked with regret, and something else, too, something the General wasn't sure he wanted to know about.

"Well, if what she says is true, her actions and the actions of the alien she followed through the Gate saved the lives of SG16. Unfortunately, with Colonel Simmons' involvement in this mission, the politics of what she did are...complicated. The government is hopping mad about losing that weapon."

"Sir, if I may ask, what are you going to do?"

"I don't know yet. I've got some explaining to do to the President tonight. As far as concerns Sam, I'm going to have to confine her to base until Janet clears her both physically and mentally. I think I'll go home and sleep on it. Nothing you people do is ever easy, is it, Jack?"

Jack was relieved to hear a touch of the General's gentle humor and joviality return to his voice. They both rose from the table.

"Permission to be dismissed, sir."

"Permission granted. See you tomorrow at 0900."

Jack turned on his heel and was out the door in a flash. He lost no time heading straight for Sam's quarters. They needed to talk, to get things straightened out between them, but he wasn't at all sure if Sam would be willing to trust him, or even talk to him, any time soon. But he was definitely going to give it his best effort.

"Sam?" Jack called through the crack of the closed door of her quarters while knocking loudly at the same time. He continued to knock until the door opened suddenly, revealing a very unhappy woman standing defiantly in the doorway so that he couldn't get in without shoving his way through.

"Yes, sir."

"We need to talk."

"Yes, sir?" Icy but completely correct, Sam wasn't taking any chances of further insubordination charges. She also hadn't moved an inch from her blockade of the doorway.

"Can I come in?" A request, not an order. Jack was being careful to give her a choice.

She didn't answer, but her stance seemed to waver a bit and she stared at her boots.

"Or we could go to the cafeteria," Jack suggested. "It's time to eat anyway."

"That sounds good, sir," Sam agreed, her voice a bit more accomodating.

They walked down the hall, Sam stealing glances at Jack when she thought he wasn't looking. He was watching her too, though, noticing as they went that she seemed increasingly subdued and unsure of herself. There was little evidence now of the anger he'd witnessed standing between them like a wall for days.

"I'm hungry, now that I think of it," Sam volunteered as they got in the mess line.

Well, he hadn't expected her to be willing to say anything yet. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad, after all.

"Me too. Hungry for some..." Jack was trying to identify the main courses lined up under the glass in front of them. "...yellow stuff, brown stuff, and orange stuff," he finally determined, pointing out what he wanted ladled onto his plate.

"Yummy," was Carter's cryptic comment behind him. "Same, please," she directed the young cook. Jack turned and placed some bread and butter on her tray at the same time she was loading a piece of cake onto his. Sam met his surprised glance with a wry smile. Even in the midst of conflict, they couldn't seem to stop automatically anticipating each other.

He picked a table as far from any other personnel as possible, back in the corner by the drink machine.

"Sam," he began as they sat down, "I'm sorry."

"What for?" She asked coldly. He looked up sharply at her tone and was struck with renewed guilt at the pain filling her eyes. He sifted carefully through his mind for the right words. This heart-to-heart stuff had never been easy for Jack, but he owed it to Sam to try his best.

"For not trusting you. For not being there when you asked for my help. For the death of your friend. Let me have it, Carter, I deserve it. I was wrong."

"Okay, you're right. With your permission, I do need to say something to you."

"Permission granted. I think. Off the record, of course."

"This isn't the first time you've doubted me. I think you're afraid."

"Afraid of what?"

"Afraid to trust anyone. Afraid to trust me."

"Carter, look, you fainted back on that planet. Janet blamed it on your physical condition. She said you were so worn down before the mission even started that she may have erred in letting you go in the first place. Then you come up with this story about a man who nobody but you can see. What was I supposed to think?"

Jack hadn't intended to so quickly jump to his own defense, but now that it was out there, he really wanted to hear her response.

"All assumptions, sir. I didn't faint from exhaustion or low blood sugar on that planet, sir, Orlin explained it to me. His initial contact with me was in his natural ascended state. He said I blacked out because I wasn't prepared for it and I resisted. But if you didn't even believe that I was seeing an alien, I had to assume you wouldn't believe anything I said that he said. Sir." Even Carter looked confused for a minute.

"Okay, I get it. I'm sorry, Sam. You're right, I should have listened to you, and I should have trusted you." They both fell silent for a few minutes while they ate.

Jack gave her a penetrating stare. Sam sensed that he had another issue eating at him.

"When you were in the basement with Orlin, did you hear me call you over the radio?"

She looked up from a forkful of the brown stuff. Although she didn't audibly answer, her expression said 'yes', and Jack quickly jumped in, not wanting to force her into admitting to further insubordination.

"Okay, forget I asked that. Because there was interference from the Stargate or something, I'm sure. Because I know if you'd heard me call you, you would have answered me. You wouldn't have wanted me worried out of my mind over what was happening to you in there. Not after I'd made the decision to send you in there alone so the alien wouldn't run."

Sam put down a full fork and stared moodily at her plate which was, for the most part, untouched.

"You didn't trust me either, Sam, not enough to tell me what was going on, or what you and Orlin were about to do."

"You would have ordered me not to go through the 'Gate."

"That's an assumption on your part, now, isn't it?" She looked up sharply, only then realizing he was right.

"Do you know what I went through out there when I radioed you and got no answer? I was sure something had happened to you. I do trust you, Sam, enough to believe that the only reason you wouldn't respond to me over the radio was because you either were out of range or you were physically unable to answer. And I was pretty damn sure you weren't out of range."

"I'm sorry," she finally managed to whisper, still staring at her plate.

Jack shook his head, suddenly frustrated with himself. "Hey, I didn't mean to turn this around on you, Sam. I just wanted you to know the trust thing goes both ways. And to tell you how sorry I am. That I made some wrong turns and the result put you in an impossible situation. You've been through enough. And I know you were attached to Orlin, and you're hurting right now. My intention really wasn't to cause more hurt."

"No, you're right. And I'm truly sorry. Maybe if I'd trusted you, Orlin wouldn't have..."

"Whoa, now don't go there, Carter. Don't start doing the 'what ifs'." He reached out and touched her hand briefly, just enough to brush his fingers once down hers.

"So not a good idea, believe me, I know."

"Sir, I don't want you to be afraid to trust me. In any way. As far as is humanly possible, I won't let you down." Her plea tapered off into silence as she realized she couldn't beg him to believe in her. He had to choose to do that himself.

"I could say the same to you."

"Fair enough. I'll do my best, sir."

"Me too."

The next afternoon Sam was cleared to go home. It was Friday, and she was looking forward to a lazy weekend puttering around her house. She grabbed her keys and headed for the surface, looking forward to the fresh fall weather outside.

"Going home, Carter?" O'Neill's voice called out behind her.

"Yes sir," she answered with a smile.

"I think I'll follow you over there," Jack said, a bit more gravely, pulling his own keys out of his jacket pocket.

"Follow me home?"

Understanding dawned on her suddenly as she remembered the swarm of agents that had been in her house the last time she had seen it.

"Is it bad?" She asked apprehensively.

"Let's just say, I think you may need some help cleaning up."

"Oh boy." Sam's eyes were wide.

The beauty of the day was lost on her as she drove home wondering what awaited her. They both arrived at the same time, she pulling into her carport and he parking at the curb out front. There were still a few strands of yellow police tape hanging about. Sam let herself in the front door, holding her breath.

"Not too bad," she finally said, genuinely relieved to not find it worse. The expected dirt from many shoes traipsing throughout the house was evident, and a few of Orlin's internet purchases had been carried to the foyer and then been sifted through, but it wasn't overwhelming. She turned to Jack where he stood shadowing the doorway.

"I wonder what the neighbors think," she commented, indicating the police tape just beyond the door.

Jack shrugged.

"Can't be worse than what my neighbors think," he deadpanned. "Well, what should we do first?" Jack had already rolled up his sleeves.

Four hours later, it was time to quit for the evening. Daniel and Teal'C had appeared not long after Sam and Jack had begun their cleaning, carrying pizza and soft drinks. Now that the work was for the most part done, Daniel had revealed a 'surprise' for the team: a movie he'd picked up from the local video store.

"The Mummy?" Sam asked with a raised eyebrow. "Let me guess, you have a thing for the female archeologist."

"So what? It's a good movie," Daniel countered defensively.

Teal'C settled on the floor, leaning against the couch to watch the opening scene.

"It looks like a Goa'uld-occupied planet," he said with alarm, viewing the scenes of ancient Egypt.

"Yes, that's exactly what it is," Jack ribbed him mysteriously, sitting down beside him more for the purpose of watching Teal'C watch the movie than to watch the movie himself.

"Sam, aren't you going to come sit and watch 'The Mummy' with us?" Daniel called out to the kitchen, where Sam was still putting dishes away.

"I will in just a minute," she answered from the recesses of the other room. Jack turned his head towards the kitchen at the sound of her voice, something in her tone stirring his concern. He got up from the floor and headed for the kitchen.

"Everything okay?" he asked gently over Sam's shoulder. She was standing by the window, staring out into the darkened yard.

"Just thinking," she murmured.

"Hey, if you need some time to yourself, just say the word, we'll go. You know Danny and T will understand."

"No, I'm coming out in a minute. I don't really want to be alone in my house yet. To tell you the truth, I'm kind of creeped out by the whole thing right now."

"So, maybe 'The Mummy' wasn't the best choice in entertainment for tonight?" Jack joked. He stood beside her, hands in his pockets, his eyes intent on hers.

"No, it's fine. Believe it or not, I know it's fake," she teased back. "But there's a lot of real stuff out there in the galaxy and we've only just scratched the surface."

"So, you're wondering how many more invisible aliens are floating around out there, watching you?"

"Is that supposed to be encouraging?"

"Sorry." He reached out an arm across her shoulders and gave her arm a squeeze.

"Come watch the movie. Stop thinking so much."

She turned to do as he said and found his face only inches from hers.

"Sam. Are we okay?"

"You tell me, Jack," she whispered to the man standing so close she could feel his warmth. "What have you decided to do? Are you staying on at the SGC?"

"I'm part of a team of people who depend on each other."

His arms encircled her waist. She put her hands on his chest and watched his face with a grave expression.

"So...you're staying?" She just wanted him to say it.

"Yeah, I'm staying. I withdrew my letter of resignation yesterday."

"Good. That's good." Her relief shone out of her eyes. "Maybe we should go watch the movie," she added, nodding towards the living room.

"Yeah. Sam, are you sure you're okay?"

Something was still under the surface, unspoken, Jack could feel it. He was caught off guard by the depth of feeling he saw suddenly flood her features.

"Sure. I was just thinking, there was a silver lining. To retirement, I mean. Don't get me wrong, I really think you made the right choice. You belong on SG1. But I also want this," she pointed sadly between them, "and we can't have both."

"I want it too, Sam. Look, I'm not going anywhere. It may be a while before we can be together, but I have found what I want, and it's you. I'll be here waiting for as long as it takes."

Sam broke into a smile that lit up her whole face. "I love you," she whispered almost inaudibly.

Her confession was suddenly more than Jack's willpower could handle. With a cautious glance towards the room where Daniel and Teal'C sat watching the blaring television, Jack urged her into a more private corner of the room and pulled her into a kiss so full of passion and longing that Sam thought she'd died and gone to heaven.

"I thought you said we were going to wait," Sam gasped faintly when they were able to breathe again.

"I'm still working on that patience thing," Jack explained apologetically.

"We'd better get back to the guys."

"That's probably a really good idea," Jack agreed, still trying to collect himself.

"We can do this," Sam said trying to convince them both.

"Sure," Jack agreed uncertainly.

"But if you ever have trouble with the waiting thing again, I'll be glad to help." Sam grinned.

"Witch," Jack whispered for her ears only as they settled onto the couch in front of the movie.

"Everything okay, guys?" Daniel asked absentmindedly, still focused on the movie.

"Sure, we just had a difference of opinion to work out."

"Okay," Daniel said automatically, not really listening.

Jack looked over at Teal'C, expecting him to be wrapped up in the movie. But Teal'C was studying him and Sam where they sat on the couch, legs touching, and gave Jack a knowing gaze. He then bowed his head just a little, as if giving his approval, and turned back to view the show.

Jack had to laugh at himself. They were so not fooling anyone.

* * *

**_4 years later_**

"Here you go," Jack offered his sleepy Colonel with a tender smile, holding out a steaming mug of coffee. Sam sat up, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. She sat up and took the cup with uncoordinated hands, almost spilling it.

"S'good," she murmured appreciatively.

"Well, get ready, Sam. We leave in 30."

"Yes sir, " she responded, emphasizing the 'sir' playfully.

"Don't get smart with me, Carter," Jack retorted and left the bedroom.

She stretched and reluctantly got out of bed, still sipping her coffee. Crossing the room to the window, she looked out across the peaceful lake to the sunrise on the horizon and breathed deeply. She couldn't believe it, she was really here.

She was really on a fishing trip with Jack at his cabin.

He was officially retired as of last week.

There had been some bumps in the road, some more problematic than others.

He'd almost died, more than once.

She'd almost died too.

There'd been a few attempted relationships when they had temporarily despaired of ever being together.

So many lost loved ones.

But none of that mattered now. The waiting was over, and they finally had each other, and they were both happier than they could ever remember being, ever.

They'd told their friends their plans before leaving for Minnesota, and they had all wished them well. Yesterday they had been quietly married in a beautiful country church in Jack's hometown, just the two of them and the minister. Sam looked at the simple white dress she'd worn, now hanging in an otherwise empty closet, and felt a thrill of excitement all over again.

And today? Well, they were up at the crack of dawn, because that's when the fish are biting. He was down at the dock waiting for her, she noted through the window, so she quickly tied on her boat sneakers, grabbed a sweater and went out to meet him. The sunrise was glorious, and Jack's tall figure was silhouetted against it as he effortlessly cast out into the center of the still water. Sam slipped into the chair next to his.

"It's beautiful out here," she remarked, looking everywhere, trying to drink in every inch of the landscape spread around them. As soon as he sat down again, she reached over and took his unoccupied hand.

"I can see why you love this so much," she observed after a long silence.

Jack looked over at her.

"I can't believe you're here with me," he said in wonder.

"I've been dreaming about this for years," Sam smiled shyly.

"About catching fish with me?" Jack teased.

"No, about fish-ing."

Jack chuckled. "So, how do you like fish-ing?"

"I don't know yet. I just got here, I need more experience at it."

Jack smiled broadly at that. "I'd be glad to teach you all about it."

"You sure it wouldn't be too much trouble?"

"I'm so sure. Fish-ing is an art form."

"And you're an expert?"

"No, far from it," Jack sighed. "But we'll learn together, okay?"

Sam got up and sat down in his lap, wanting nothing more than to be as close to him as she could be. She heard the pole clatter to the dock and then his arms were anchored around her, holding her gratefully against him.

"You betcha," she happily agreed.

The End

_I hope you enjoyed this series as much as I enjoyed writing. Thanks for reading,and for writing: I have spent many happy hours reading all of your great fics._


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